Orange you glad Chaka didn't say banana? · Jun 12, 10:55 PM by Chaka
I don’t think it’s very, um, presidential for Hillary to respond to Ann Coulter’s unfortunate comments about 9/11 WTC widows. Can’t Hillary just reach out to Coulter and try to bond with her over something they have in common, say, their shared love of double penetration?
This may be totally stupid, but I am seriously freaked out by my total inability to hear the kids-only ringtone discussed in this article (the link to an mp3 of the ringtone is to the left of the article). I played the damn thing a dozen times, cranked the volume up loud, and even played it through headphones. But I just can not hear it. This physical manifestation of the divide between adult and child and my place therein has been gnawing at me all day.
You’d be forgiven for thinking Timedoor was a Prince blog from the flurry of posts we’ve put out about the funky purple midget of late. But indulge us in just one more.
With Prince’s wild success following the 1999 album came the inevitable hubris that cooed in his ear in a sultry voice, “you can do ANYTHING!” And do anything he did – touring, making movies, popularizing cheekless trousers – to varying degrees of success. But the domain he continued to master the best was his utterly unique brand of pop that, perhaps as much as any artist in history, could be and was enjoyed irony-free by hipsters and unigloved fourth-graders alike. Such was the depth of the well of his talent and inspiration during his peak years that he had no trouble tossing off side projects, writing singles for other artists, and scrapping entire albums.
Common among the artists in Prince’s universe during his heyday is that Prince Rogers Nelson SOUND – sort of funky, sort of psychedelic, out-of-time but totally modern. Here are some of the best of Prince’s side projects and ghostwritten singles recorded by other artists.
Chaka Khan (no relation) seemed poised for a Tina Turner-like 80s career renaissance after her cover of “I Feel For You” made a big splash. The old school rap opening brought an unwarranted amount of ridicule to this track at one point, which is totally unfortunate, since this track is pretty great in a Soul Trainy sort of way. That’s Stevie Wonder taking the harp lead on this one. This may be the least “Prince” sounding of these tracks, perhaps since it was written before Prince became, well, PRINCE.
mp3: Chaka Khan – I Feel For You
Prince’s artistic vision allowed him to come up with not one but two smutty all-girl trios led by a single-named hottie. The decision to name each of these trios ”[lead hottie’s name] 6” remains one of the many mysteries of the Prince universe; my theory is that the fornication-focused Prince decided to count not the members of each act but instead their breasts. Patty Kotero (Appolonia) was the tits-n-ass in the Purple Rain film, while Canadian Denise Matthews (Vanity) went on to be the tits-n-ass in a number of films before Jesus came a-callin’ like ol’ Jesus’ll do if you ain’t watchin’ (just like George W. Bush! the tits-n-ass part, I mean). Both of the best-known tracks of these groups retain a certain sleazy charm and seem to bring out the Rick James in our hero.
mp3: Vanity 6 – Nasty Girl
mp3: Apollonia 6 – Sex Shooter
The Time require no introduction. Morris Day was undoubtedly the best non-Prince thing about the Purple Rain movie and this track, the only one included here not written by Prince, was a big hit.
mp3: The Time – Jungle Love
Sheila E.’s special powers were her ability to bang rhythmically on all kinds of percussion instruments, a trait no doubt inherited from her Cuban bandleader father, if you’ll allow me the Lamarckian error. This track, from Sheila’s second album, Romance 1600, features that skinny motherfucker with the high voice doing the vocal harmony.
mp3: Sheila E. – A Love Bizarre
I seem to remember a heavy amount of hype being laid on the debut record by Paisley Park Records artists The Family, a nepotistic project involving relatives of Revolution member Wendy Melvoin and Paisley businessman Alan Leeds. I vividly remember the cassette dub I had of Enik’s copy of this record with the Crucifucks’ debut record on the other side (two peas in a pod!). I’m posting two tracks by The Family because their sole release is rare and it was a bitch finding any mp3s of theirs anywhere. “The Screams of Passion” was their debut single, retitled by Paisley Park execs after they decided “Fuck Noises” was uncommercial. “Nothing Compares 2 U” was written by Prince but first released by The Family before being taken to the stars by shorn Catholic singer Sinead O’Connor. Much apologies to the cat whose podcast served as the source from which I ripped this off.
mp3: The Family – The Screams of Passion
mp3: The Family – Nothing Compares 2 U
Finally, a pair of Prince-penned chart hits. The Bangles broke in 1986 with “Manic Monday”, written by Prince under the pseudonym Christopher. The use of the word “aeroplane” in the lyric seems to date the song’s conception around the time of Prince’s flirtation with psychedelia circa Around the World in a Day. Sheena Easton announced her transition from the Scottish version of Olivia Newton John the virgin to the Scottish version of Olivia Newton John the slut with “Sugar Walls”, Tufnelesque lyrics supplied by Prince under the pen name Alexander Nevermind.
mp3: The Bangles – Manic Monday
mp3: Sheena Easton – Sugar Walls
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